


Water Dealings

by planningconquest



Series: Tired Agents [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Luke is a con man, Mentions of Slavery, agressive negotiation, con-men, intense bartering, mentions of extortion, mentions of theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 14:05:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10946085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planningconquest/pseuds/planningconquest
Summary: Agent Iffee is now tasked with keeping Skywalker alive. Dealing with his surprising character revelation.





	Water Dealings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mischiefs_Hawk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischiefs_Hawk/gifts), [anakien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakien/gifts).



Agent Iffee’s first impression of Luke Skyawlker was that the man was short. It was also that he was very blond and wearing a very bright orange flight-suit.

“Errrr….Commander Skywalker?” She asked, holding up a thin datafile and glancing between him and the grinning Rouge Squadron men behind him. “Am I in the right place?” The sounds of the distant jungle echoed in through open flight deck. A dozen welders and a few heavy pieces of machinery all joined the chaos. Plus, the screaming birds and insects outside that only ever seemed to want to come inside. Iffee glanced from one side of the hanger; from the worn out x-wings, to the other side where the even older repair equipment sat.

“Are you Zom?” 

“Yes.” The Imperial Intlellignece Agent looked around and cringed internally. “I am.” 

“Then you’re in the right place.” Luke Skywalker held out a hand, grinning. “Welcome to Rogue Squadron, Zom. I’m Commander Skywalker.”

“Right?” She took his hand, noting the callouses, the firm grip, and the enthusiastic manner in which he pumped her arm. 

“What kind of name is Zom?” Another rebel asked and Iffee found a rebel with a wide grin and dangerously cheerful yes. 

“The kind of name that every girl in my family has ever been named.” Iffee told them honestly.

“How do you tell yourselves apart?” Another one asked. 

“Middle names, second middle names and finger pointing.” Iffee answered, “who are you?” 

“I’m Wes Janson,” the rebel waved jauntily, “that’s Tycho, this is Wedge, and you met Luke.” 

“Hooray!” Iffee said blandly, “so…do I get a bunk or what?”

“You’re bunking with the commander!” Wes chimed up as Skywalker opened his mouth. He frowned and looked back.

“No, she isn’t. I’m sorry, Zom, you’ve got the room right down that hall,” he pointed to a sinister looking hallway, the doorway having been carved into a hexagonal shape. “The first room on the left. Wes will help you carry your things.” 

“Hey!” 

“We’ll see the two of you at drill at the flight sims in twenty minutes,” Skywalker told them amiably, “Wes, behave.” 

“Why does that make me nervous?.” Iffee said, clutching her bag closer as the rebel stepped closer.

“I am perfectly trustworthy.” 

“Yep, you’re not touching anything. Get back, punk, before I make you.” She didn’t have her stun baton but Iffee was pretty sure she could still beat him senseless. 

“Alright, alright. I won’t.” Wes grinned too wide and she wondered if she could defect from the rebellion and the Empire. 

#$#$#$#

Being undercover with the rebellion was a lot like being the only sober person in a bar of college students done with finals. It was like being the celibate monk in a brothel, like being the non-corrupt judge in the middle of courtroom. It was like being Darth Vader in the middle of a dance party. 

She was honestly surprised no one pegged her as an Imperial spy yet. 

“Hey!” Halfway through climbing into the flight sim to challenge some of the truly fantastic records, Iffee was called. She turned to see Wedge and the others all jogging toward her. 

“What is it?” She asked, feeling her headache coming on. “What do you want?” 

“Boss is going on a shopping trip,” Wes said the moment they’d all crowded around the woman. “We need volunteers.” 

“Wes?” 

“Not me, I went last time when….nevermind.” 

“What did you do?” Asked Iffee, vaguely curious and Wedge chuckled. 

“Oh, he went to have some x-rated fun and the Boss dragged him out by his ear. The madam felt so bad she sent Luke some gifts for him and his ‘husband’. We still have most of them.” The others laughed and Wes turned red. 

“She thought I was married to him. Do you know what it’s like to be standing there, in the middle of a house with your pants only halfway buttoned and Commander Farm boy chewing your ear off. I…I nearly died. He was ranting about duty and honor and all sorts of things. It was terrible.” 

“That’s not even the best part.” Iffee’s eyebrows went and she bored a glare into Tycho’s eyes. He aquised, “she offered Luke to use some of her…more pain inducing toys to help punish his terrible husband.” 

“We’re not married!” Wes cried and Wedge patted his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry, people think Luke and I are married to. Last time I was captured the imps wanted to know all about my relationship with him. Boy, I’m pretty sure tall dark and genocidal thinks I’m dating him too. That’s not the point, the point is…we need to draw lots to see who goes with him this time.” 

“What’s the trip?”

“Shopping.” 

“I’ll go.” Iffee suggested and the identical pitying glances were all she need to regret her decision. “Nevermind.” 

“NOPE! You agreed! You’re going! Yes! This gets me out of it!” Wes pumped a fist and Iffee rubbed his forehead as the other rebels vanished the second she nodded. “He’s waiting for you in the hanger bay. Take extra power packs!” 

#$#$#$

“Commander?” Iffee wandered into the hanger, seeing only the dilapidated piece of junk that most of them would have ignored. Still, Skywalker seemed ready to fly. 

“I’m in here!” He called back and she gingerly wandered up the loading ramp, unnerved by everything going on. She watched his bright eyes emerge from the shadows and cringed at the nearly unnatural light in them. “You’re coming with me! Fantastic! We’re going to be picking up water and some other supplies.” 

“Why aren’t the supply acquisition officers going to get them? Why you?”

“The last time we sent one of those officers to pick up water we got a bad grade that made a few of the men sick.” 

“So why are you going?” Commander Skywalker, through a good fifty years younger than herself, always made her feel like he was somehow so much older. Made her feel ancient and child-like at the same time. 

His eyes, bluer than any sky she’d ever seen, were sad. Sad enough that she felt it physically in her own heart. “I have the most experience with water.” 

“You’re from Tatooine.” She pointed out, joining him in the cock pit. 

“I know.” Skywalker replied, “come on. The market is due to open in a few hours.” 

“Right.” Iffee stared at the too serious boy and grimaced as he guided the shuddering ship off world.

#$#$

The market place the Luke Skywalker chose was one that was shoved under the dark space of a Hutt’s couch and mixed with dust bunnies. It was a disgusting mess of people, animals, and curious smells that made Iffee gag. 

The blond seemed perfectly at ease. He twisted in and out of the crowds like he was born there, his eyes roving from place to place. In the ptis of poverty and pain, Luke Skywalker seemed to shine. Iffee kept one hand on her blaster and her attention on all the eyes that shifted toward him. 

Luke Skywalker was Lord Vader’s intended prize. His bounty, his fledgling Jedi to torture. Iffee’s duty was to ensure that Skywalker survived long enough to become such a prize.

If that meant keeping off the scum of the undercity of which pit this was, Iffee would do that. She wasn’t fond of the stares he was getting from the rougher looking spicers wandering past them. Skywalker didn’t even notice. 

“Boss?” She pulled him back a little closer and whispered down at him, “do you know where you’re going?” 

“I do. We need to get to the end of the market, closer to the Imperial garrison.” 

“Why there,” Iffee yanked him back and gaped. Skywalker smiled knowingly. 

“That’s where all the suckers are.” 

“What?” 

“Look, Zom. The same principals apply everywhere. You stick the bulk stuff near people who buy in bulk, this means garrisons, shops, and diners. An imperial garrison.” 

“This one is corrupt and riddled with bribes and crime!” 

“Still needs water and stuff in bulk. Because the local garrison commander runs through so much water he can’t kept requisitioning it from his commanders. They’ll look for it. So he goes local,” Skywalker pointed toward the spire of the garrison building. “And the water shop nearby. He spends a lot and gets the worst but he doesn’t know that.” 

“Then how do you plan on getting better water?”

“Oh,” he winked, “I know a few things. Just follow my lead.”

“Alright.” She stared as Skywalker approached an open shop door and pushed his way in, past the two twi’lek walking out. The inside was clean, very clean. Surgically clean, so much more than Iffee suspected. There were people still wandering around, surveying the displays and the numbers laid around. 

“Hello, friends!” Iffee felt her skin crawl and her entire body shudder as another human approached. He was tall, reedy, with a weasel like face that she wanted to break. He wore that latest fashion, had a wide smile and very greedy eyes. “How can I help you?” 

“Oh,” Skywalker beamed and bounced on his feet, on instinct Iffee put her hand on his shoulder, “we’re shopping for a lot of people right now.” He smile, real and false at the same time, turned to her. “How many is it?” 

“600 and a little more for machines.” Iffee said, staring hard at the man. 

“If you would like to take a look around, then please, do. You may sample what you like.” 

“Thanks!” Luke chirped. “We will.” He wandered off, leaving Iffee to stare between him and the water dealer. Her expression was almost confusion as she watched Skywalker take a small sip from a small container. 

“Ah, a good choice. This is our grade 2. A very fine harvest off Ryloth. You’ll see the reddish color comes from a mineral in the local soil. It adds a very beautiful flavor I think that just sings of that beautiful planet, don’t you?” 

“I couldn’t say,” Luke said innocently, “I’ve never been to Ryloth.”

“Ah, it is a fantastic planet.” Greedy eyes raked over Skywalker, “I am sure I could introduce you to a travel agent who would set you up with a beautiful little villa to visit. You do seem to be a gentleman of good taste.” Iffee had been an ISB agent long enough to know that this was a pretty way to dress up the slave trade, a way to lure pretty idiots into a mess they couldn’t get out of. Too bad for the water dealer, Luke Skywalker wasn’t one of those idiots. 

“That’s sounds interesting.” Luke said though and the water dealer didn’t seem to even notice the rebel leading him superstitiously toward one of the larger water barrels. “What is Ryloth like?” 

“A beautiful planet, with enormously fantastic places to go climbing and hiking. I would have taken my own family out there. “ 

“Oh, gee, Uncle Owen sure wouldn’t want me to go out like that. I don’t know what he’d say.” Luke batted long eyelashes at the water dealer and traced a finger around the rim of the barrel. “What grade is this one?”

“Ah, a grade one. This one is usually sent to the local imperial garrison. They’re expected to pick this up sometime today.” 

“How many barrels of this are there?” 

“Oh just over 1,000.” The man beamed and Luke looked stupidly around. Iffee wondered how the boy had gotten so good at playing stupid. 

“Do you think could sample this one?” The dealers eyes twitched a bit and he looked from Luke to the window leading outside. 

“Of course,” the man said quietly and a second later Luke was sipping at the water. Iffee watched the rebel frown and then stare down at the water. 

“What grade did you say this was?” 

“Grade 1.” The dealer replied and Luke frowned even deeper. 

“Are you sure?” The smile slipped further and Iffee watched the confusion on Luke’s face morph into full blow Farm Boy Rage (patent pending). It was a thing of glory that Iffee would write down in great detail, later. “Hey!” He turned to the water dealer, glaring. “This isn’t first grade water, pal! This is barely third grade. What kind of a stunt are you trying to pull, huh? You’re charging grade first water prices for sludge!” 

“Sir,” the man glanced at the other customers who were listening in. “I assure you that this is very much grade 1. An untrained palate certainly couldn’t.” 

“I GREW UP ON A MOISTURE FARM!” Skywalker thundered and the water dealer paled. “You think I can’t tell that this is loaded with minerals. Huh? You think I’m going to pay that much for muddy creek-water?”

“Sir, please.” Iffee was enjoying this too much to step in. Having Skywalker ream the man was just too entertaining.

“And I bet that Imperial garrison wouldn’t like to know that you’re over charging him either, huh.” Luke glowered, “have they used an actual water test or are they using your rigged one? I bet I can get them to find one to use. Hey! You know what? I’m going to go get one.” Skywalker turned on his heels and stormed out. He didn’t make it five steps before the water dealers ran after him. 

“No! That one be needed. Surely, we can reach an arrangement, sir. There is no need to get the authorities involved.” 

“I’m not so sure!” Luke yelled, his sweet innocence replaced by something a little nastier. “There sure if when you’re charging this much!” Luke yelled, “overcharging, scummy water, bacterial infections! You know just what you could be doing to all those Imperials! I bet they’re all dying of dysntary!” Iffee winced. “Boy oh boy! I’m going to head off to tell them now! I bet you’ll not be making such claims like that once they get an interrogation droid onto you.” 

“Sir!” The man was panicking and Iffee covered her smile. “There surely is no need.”

“This is robbery!” Luke was shouting, every inch the disappointed and infuriated farm boy he was at the very core. “I’m no paying prices like that!” 

“What seems to be the problem?” Two stormtroopers, apparently hearing the shouting, had entered the water dealers shop. Iffee stopped laughing and now cringed. If the report of this ever made it back to Lord Vader…

“There is nothing wrong.” The dealer tried to say and Luke railroaded right over him. 

“His water is scummy and filthy! Do you see the prices this man is charging for GRADE 3 water? I demand an untampered water test be done on all of his products! This is robbery!” 

“That’s not the case, this young man is confused. Ask his mother!” All eyes turned to Iffee and she shrugged. 

“He’s the boss of our moisture farm. He’s looking to expand our product line. We hit a nice well last month. We’re trying to find a new dealer. If boss says that the water’s scummy, it’s scummy.” 

The stormtroopers looked uncomfortable and then the taller one sighed, “Kid, that’s.”

“Are you helping citizens or not!” Luke demanded, shoving his fingers into the trooper’s chest. “You get your extra water from him too! How much bacteria do you think you’re sucking down? Huh? You interested in finding out what you’ve really paid for?” The stormtrooper exchanged a look. 

“We’re going to be finding our commander. Neither of you move.” Luke nodded officiasly and glared at the water dealer who looked out of his depth. 

“Sure won’t, sir. Sure won’t.” Iffee watched the dealer seize Skywalker and yank him back just as soon as the troopers were gone. 

“How dare you?” The dealer’s voice went soft and dangerous and then squeaky as Skywalker shoved a blaster under his chin. His blue eyes were hard and bored, a truly deadly combination if Iffee ever saw one.

“You’re not dealing with an idiot, slaver.” Skywalker hissed, his grip on the mans neck tight tightening. “Listening closely, pal.” He dragged the last word out like an insult. “You’ve got about what I need of genuine Grade 1 stashed in your warehouse. You’re not selling that to the imps, hmm?” 

“Well no!” 

“Then I’m guessing one of the slave auction house masters nearby, one of the brothels, or the local crime boss? Hmm? I bet our scamming them first too. The thing is, the Imps are coming and I can be out of here in no time, no trace. And the second the imps find out they’ve been scammed,” Luke dug the blaster deeper into the thin neck, “so does everyone else. “

“What do you want?” 

“All of your grade 1 water. And about half of your grade 2. I’ll tell your transport man which ones. I’ll even be nice, I’ll pay.” Iffee blinked back astonishment. “Five credits a gallon for the grade 1.” 

“WHAT!” His eyes bulged. “That’s robbery! That stuff is worth eighty credits a gallon!” 

“Ten then,” Skywalker said idly fingering the safety. The man swallowed nervously. “And five for the grade 2.” 

“Fifty for the grade 1 and thirty for the grade 2.” The dealer argued. 

“Fifteen for the grade 1, ten for the grade 2.” 

“Forty for the grade 1, fifteen for grade 2.” 

“Hmm,” Skywalker’s eyes narrowed. 

“Thirty for grade 1, fifteen for grade 2. 

“Thirty five for the grade one and twenty for the grade two.” The dealer hassled some more and Skywalker pursed his lips. 

“Thirty for the grade 1 and fifteen for grade 2 and as a bonus I’ll tell those Imps I was confused.”

“Deal.” Skywalker released that water dealer and they shook hands. Iffee watched the transaction that followed with some amusement. 

“My ship is waiting, I’ll let your men attach the cargo and then I’ll be on my way.” 

“After you speak to the Imperials?” The dealer begged and Luke nodded graciously. 

“Of course,” Iffee covered her mouth at the mischievous smile. “Sure thing.” Twenty minutes of waiting around Skywalker spoke up. 

“Artoo says the water is loaded and tests fine. Just what we paid for.” He grinned at the nervous looking water dealer and tossed him a credit chip. “We’ll be going now.” 

“But the Imperials!” 

“Looks like that’s something you’ll have to take care of.” Skywalker told him blithely. “Have a nice rest of your life…what’s left of it I guess.” 

E$#$#

“That was pretty heartless, boss.” Iffee said, her eyes tracing from the water dealers to the blond. “I’m impressed.” 

Maybe Vader through he could corrupt the boy. He didn’t seem a clean cut and innocent as the report from Agent Mol made him out to be. He sure didn’t seem to be as stupid as Agent Mol had thought him to be. 

Skywalker shrugged, “come on. We’ve still got credits to spend on food and stuff.” 

“How much did we actually spend on water?” Iffee asked, following him into the streets again. 

“About thirty percent less than what the Council was expecting us to spend.” 

“Hmm, I don’t get,” Iffee said, pushing past a drunk, “is why you didn’t go the route of all the other Jedi?” 

“What?” He turned around, “do you mean?” 

“A mind trick?” She touched her skull, “I just…I thought you might use that.” 

“I don’t know how.” Skywalker blinked, “and I dunno…just.” 

“It was used on me once.” She found herself saying and Skywalker stared. “During the war. I was a…well…I was a separatist spy. The War for Freedom was out…call. I guess. It was our chance to make something.” 

“I didn’t know you were a separatist?” 

“I don’t advertise. Mothma and the others…” she felt genuine concern, “wouldn’t like it. Anyway, I got captured by this uppity Jedi master and his used this trick on me…I couldn’t move or even think. And I just.” 

“Zom.” Her fear and nervousness must have been obvious, Skywalker touched her arm gently. “Are you?” 

“It was painful and I just…blanked out. He was in my head and he was digging for the information. But I wouldn’t betray Tang. I wouldn’t betray my general.” 

“Zom.” 

“Skywalker,” she gripped his shoulder and forced him to look her directly in the eyes. “Please, promise me that you’ll never do that.”

“Do what? I didn’t even know it was possible!”

“It is, and it hurts. More than you’d ever think. I just. Let’s finish up our shopping, okay?” 

“Sure thing.” Skywalker answered, “how do you feel about a few weeks of fresh meat?”

“Like I might like it.” 

“Great, because there’s a butcher nearby who’s pulling the same con. Do you want to shake them down with me?” 

“Yep!” Iffee slung an arm around the thin shoulders. If her job was to keep Skywalker alive, at least it was going to be fun. “So tell me, what happened with Wes last time?” 

“Oh, that! That was set up too. We got eight power cells out of that Madam.” Luke beamed. “Brush my hair and put on a suit and people think I’m upper crust. Do that same to Wes and they think he’s lower crust who married up. The Madam catered to a lot of locals who didn’t want to have a public scandal.” 

“Which you threatened?” 

“Yep, Wes played his part beautifully. He’d actually an excellent kisser.” 

“Boy, I bet that made him happy.” Iffee observed and made a note to send that along in the files too. Considering that Skywalker was the object of everyone’s affections right now…she was actually amused. 

“I guess, but we had a job to do?” 

“Do you con everyone out of supplies?” 

“Only those who deserve it.” Luke Skywalker winked and dove back into the rough crowds, laughing to himself. 

Iffee followed with an impressed grin of her own.


End file.
